You will lose faith.

This will destroy you.

2011-06-09T22:39:00.003+08:00

so... if any of you who still bothers to read here,
im no longer using this anymore fyi.

i've decided to publish my next one so,
check out my new livejournal if you want too!
http://azieeavi.livejournal.com/

so long! :)

bye.

2011-06-05T01:46:00.002+08:00

so yes.... ive alrdy made a new livejournal.
goodbye mystificxtion! till we meet again.

Bright lights. ♥

2011-06-05T00:51:00.002+08:00

Bye for now - Lagwagon

2011-06-02T10:59:00.003+08:00

I feel like starting a new livejournal instead of blogspot.
and im gonna abandon this....
gonna put the past behind me,
and start a new life with a new title.

Eat your words.

2011-06-01T12:05:00.002+08:00

I'll be back very soon i promise.
so many good/bad things had happened but on a bright side,
im grateful with life. Alhamdullilah.

shit.

2011-05-23T23:38:00.003+08:00

im not done with my 40 days.

at this rate, he really shouldn't be telling me all this.

but i can't make it stop cause i dont have the courage to do so.

he should really stop.

im typing this, with the exact feeling i felt before i got attacked again.

YaAllah, please gimme the strength.

After April 28th 2011...

2011-05-23T12:37:00.004+08:00

Everyday i feel like my time is getting nearer.
Everyday i wake up thinking will i ever be okay.
Everyday i look forward to what's in store for me.
Everyday i feel like im a trouble.

Most of the time these days,
i wake up feeling like a piece of shit.
though how much i try to tell people im okay.
no, im not. im really not okay.

everyday my heart beats so fast,
i need to find a second to catch my breath.
and it hurts everytime i took one deep breath.
cause i keep thinking wthr It's still inside my heart.

here i am confessing my thoughts,
cause i believe there's not much reader...
that everyday, im living in fear.

but Alhamdullilah,
im greatful to Allah for what he had planned for me.
i just need a lil more strength than what ive already been given,

to get through this.

well yes, there's something wrong with me.

Hiding my heart.

2011-05-20T13:33:00.001+08:00

"But like everything I've ever known
You'll disappear one day
So I spend my whole life hiding my heart away."

Happy 20th in 5 more days!

2011-05-04T00:12:00.003+08:00

Initially Rezal wanted to help me book MBS hotel for my birthday for a good price but blame it on myself for procrastinating that all the dates i selected are fully booked :( its okay cause you know what really matters? for this people to be there with me during my birthday...

Haikal, Ary, Asrezal, Alfa, Zahrin, Biman, Afif, Manda, Ansari, Syahir.
Dina, Maii, Shikin.
Radziman, Asyraf, Taufiq, Ariff, Dasuki, Raini, Zul, Ali.

that's all that matters. ♥

A.

2011-05-03T00:34:00.007+08:00

Yes, im happy.
you make me happy.
as simple as just being yourself.

TP!

2011-04-22T02:23:00.002+08:00

Alhamdullilah, i passed my Class 2A license earlier on :)

cant wait to ride again!

JB?

2011-04-20T23:06:00.005+08:00

Though i would love to admit i find this pic really entertaining/amusing,

but noooo i am not in love or in like with Justin Bieber!

i just dont hate him hahaha #truestory.

#TheNotebook

2011-04-16T02:51:00.011+08:00

"Just because someone likes you, doesn't mean they love you. Don't always be so quick to fall for someone who pays attention to you."

TRUE. 'they' would refer to people like me to be honest.

This is me, saying to anyone out there.

The reason why i never let someone in my life easily anymore, and the reason why i've never make the first move of telling anyone how i feel, is because i've to agree with the above-mentioned. i rather keep this minor doubtful feeling and be in denial to myself than saying it out or feeling that it's almost real. cause at the end of the day when everything's spilled out, i then realized that it was just all about the fun and games that im enjoying. it's not about true love. which means ill only hurt the other party. #truestory #experienced. i will never ever make the same mistake i did few months ago, even if i've to wait for another year or more, to believe in love again and know that its finally real and not just about the fun.

@IThinkThatWay

2011-04-14T21:46:00.002+08:00

Oh no, I don’t like you.

You just happen to be on my mind 101% of the time,

that’s all...

Dilemma.

2011-04-07T19:05:00.005+08:00

Im in dilemma and idk who to talk to :(

1) call up for Oakley Concept Store (Full-time)
2) submit resume for Queen's Couture (Full-time)
3) ask for upgrade to Part-Time Shift Supervisor @ Starbucks
4) ask for childcare teacher position w/o CPT/DPT needed
5) stay as Part-Time Barista in Starbucks

Either of the choices. while waiting for the right Full-time job.
i hate graduating and feeling lost :(

or.... just continue studies in NIE now and stop wasting time?

Sk8 & Destroy.

2011-04-07T17:10:00.002+08:00

Testing for quality.

Model: Ben Benn

Love.

2011-04-07T01:02:00.002+08:00

"If you love two people at the same time, choose the second one. Because if you truly loved the first one, you wouldn’t love another."

true indeed! got this from my friend's tumblr.
phrase by Johnny Depp.

No strings attached.

2011-04-04T15:16:00.002+08:00

“if you miss me, you can’t text, you can’t email, you can’t post it on my facebook wall. if you really miss me, you come and see me.”

Believer.

2011-04-04T03:06:00.005+08:00

I know where i stand,
i know what i want.
i believe in achieving
and get what i want.

i'm a believer.

i fight for the things i want in my priority list
and settled with it before anything else.

Rough landing, Holly.

2011-04-03T00:32:00.006+08:00

I've been having this constant dreams these passed few nights which literally made me feel so dkfewewsemptyffddgfjkdjf. at some point of it, the randomness was indescribably funny-weird. but the part where things kinda get all "lovey dovey" and sentimental, made me feel so...... lost the moment i woke up. i keep on telling myself i don't want all these things, im not ready for all these things, im lazy for all these things. but one question - can i really avoid all these one day? i know time will come, and i got all the chances but i kept telling myself, "no shit dude." and they might know what im saying. ergh.

people are saying I AM the problem. oh wells.

this problem got into me since 2 years ago.

yeah don't give a damn what im blabbering here but that's all ive been wanting to jot down somewhere and i think "well hey, this is my blog and it's dead, so why not?"

some people just made me think of all these things :/

damnnnnnnnnn youuuuuuuuuuu... lol

okay fck it, you wanna know what?
YES, I WANNA BE IN LOVE AGAIN... for the second time

and that dude, he's gonna be my FINAL one.

"Forever Young."

2011-03-17T16:56:00.004+08:00

Firstly, Alhamdullilah i've finally graduated from Temasek Polytechnic Diploma in Interactive Media Technology. sadly, i wasn't satisfied with my cummulative GPA. i improved quite alot in my 3rd year but i'd wasted my 2nd year in poly being such a bad influence cause i really hated what i was doing which pulled my overall GPA down :( now see who's regretting it? nobody but myself :( but its okay, this still doesnt fully demoralised me. i know what im gonna do and i know my future's gonna be bright. Amin.

Secondly, ive finally started riding again. no, not ketam. but im taking my 2A now. it feels so good. i know not alot of people would be reading my blog so im actually keeping it a low profile. passed my prac 1, just had to finish 2 more pracs and ive already booked my TP next month. heh looking forward to it. hope it'll be only once compared to my 2B :/ unfortunately, COE is getting wayyy high! its increasing so... bloody hell too much! sigh sighhhhh.

Lastly, its time i get my transcript and do my resume and finally apply for a full time job. its about time ive to start saving money. and just for your info, yes, im gonna get a full time job now and work for a year and then continue my studies. no, im not stopping at just a diploma. its not enough to me. have a good life readers! :)

Get down girl.

2011-03-15T16:37:00.004+08:00

Picture from We ♥ house.

so my life's been all about working, enjoying life, bumming, movies & sitcoms & series, partying and oh partying, catching up with good ol' friends, laughing my ass off talking shits, texting & texting though honestly i hate to text, and whatsoever. but for sure, proficient in bumming and lazing around would be the top list. sigh. waiting for my cert/transcript and then ill start doing my resume and apply for a full time job. april, please come fast. i cant take starfuck's low pay anymore with the fact that i spend more money than back when i was still schooling -.-

oh and happy NS-ing Iman!
today, uve finally become a man! ;D

Molotov.

2011-03-13T19:21:00.004+08:00

IMT/MET graduation night
HONESTLY, graduation night sucks. especially the food.
gosh, who eats fish and chicken and veggies all separately and then the rice? oh well, chinese people at weddings does. no offence though. its just a minor critic -.-

but whats the most amazing thing than this graduation night would be the fact that for all these passed 3 years, i had a wonderful classmates and people i know i can seek for help though they may be lame most of the time lol but they're awesome :)

and the "after party" at zouk for we ♥ house with the usuals are kickass. dance throughout the whole night till my legs are aching and i stayed at home the whole 2 weekends cause im too lazy to go out. ditch all plans and today is sunday and ive been staying in my awesome room the wholeeeeeeeeeeee day. #truestory. lol.

oh yes, my dress for grad night was white. WHITE I TELL YOU, WHITE! gosshhhh i hate wearing white. and for my room, REVAMP IT UTTERLY! new furnitures, new interior design, etc etc. cant wait for the custom make cupboard dad's gonna get for me idk when yet and the paintwork for the room. lovin it! i could stay in my room forever heahehaeha

Nothing.

2011-03-05T20:14:00.007+08:00

yknow what i want so badly now?
a earpiece (A FREAKING GOOD ONE, cause i tend to use it only 1 month and its not working anymore due to my carelessness/messy bag housekeeping), vanilla and cookies and cream redondo and a pair of mary jane(!!!). though i crave so much for something else, that shld be it for tonight. geez, what a freaking lazy saturday. (i know no link at all)

anyhoos im contemplating on either to book my 2A TP test now or should i wait... let go of the march slot and now the earliest is on 7th april . thats long enough right? *sexcited already* oh and on a positive note, a veryyyyyy awesome note, all my cases are finally settled after 4 months long! thank you TP for considering my case. Alhamdullilah :)

graduation night is in 6 days times. to be honest, i swearrrrr im not looking forward to it. lazy and i dont feel the vibe at all :/

Sign of the times.

2011-02-28T12:58:00.006+08:00

Its monday! and im lazing in bed mhehehe. gonna wait for 4pm to get ready and meet my beautiful metal girls Dina and Shikin for ice cream buffet @ swensens. too bad my makcik kpo Maii aren't able to join :( (benci kau for today. ok it was me last week lol) and then tmr, ill be meeting my kecoh Masliyana and Fatty for tuesday Gelare! hehe (damn im so broke) but yknow what? it feels good to do some catching up with girls. and i can count the number of close girlfriends i have on my fingers. so here i am, gonna spend any free time i have to catchup with anyone who wanna make plans with me hehe. i feel so free..... ok stop it right there. it's a lie actually. it's kinda predictable that im gonna complain of how bored im gonna get in the near future cause im so used to being occupied with school and work. but now, im only gonna be occupied with work and nothing else :(

so anw, sat @ zouk for cosmic gate with the usuals and more was awesome! finally partied again after sooooooooooooooo long (not including zoukout) and to add to the good part, got to see alot of people ive long to meet again :) oh social life, you are finally here again. looking forward to more of it! heaheaheea. huh whuuuuuuat?! im only 20! ;)

ive got so much to say actually. i know its only been 3 days since i'd just ended school. but its like im starting afresh, a new life. but i dont know where to start. im effing hungry now so i guess ill just stop here for now and wait for the right moment to come and you'll be here again, reading what ive got to say. (if there is actually people who are reading my blog. heh) have a good monday readers! ♥

Goodbye Temasek Polytechnic.

2011-02-26T13:02:00.006+08:00

my year 1 and 2 and a lil bit of year 3 webcam sessions....
(there are thousands more than this im not kidding hahaha)

when i was still with my jet black+blonde hair, my eyebrow piercing, fairer and skinnier with totally no love handles (is this how they spell it?), and not forgetting my bangs!!! hahahahaha hello im back to social life again. im here to announce.... IM OFFICIALLY DONE AND OVER WITH DIPLOMA, PROJECTS AND ALL THE STRESS-NESS!!! heahehaehah ytd marks the last day of being in temasek polytechnic and im so happy but at the same time, im kinda sad to leave my schoolmates, especially my classmates, though they may be irritating and noisy most of the times, they are still awesome cause we always help each other out for this passed 3 years. they are very jiwe and i will never forget them. ♥

HIATUS.

2011-02-18T00:47:00.002+08:00

ILL BE BACK SOON I PROMISE.
GIMME A WEEK OR LESS!

"HI!"

2011-02-12T19:52:00.004+08:00

Heh i just realized you send me an email of a video call message,
few weeks back lolll >.<

Can you feel the slience?

2011-02-12T18:47:00.002+08:00

i love evenings. ive alwayssssssss love evenings (especially when Ketam was around last time, we'll be hanging out the seletar dam, just the 2 of us ♥). when the time strikes 6pm till the sun sets, thats when all the things i wanna do or achieve (one day) comes playing in my head.

know what i feel like doing?
pursue my studies in aussie.
ive always wanted it, since my 1st year in poly.

these days, ive been thinking alot. like really alot, of what i wanna do after i graduate and rest for awhile. its either NIE, Aussie or Nafa degree. before that, ill be working at the temporary job or stewardess (if i can get and will be staying in the company for a few years).

and if you're asking me about love,
im still wayyyy far behind.

Live. Learn. Laugh. Love.

2011-02-12T17:19:00.005+08:00

So whats on my mind? everytime when im alone, ill tend to have alot of things in my head that i wanna jot down, but when im here, my mind goes blank. haha. so i guess it's gonna take me some time to finish this post cause i feel like ive got to update at least something.

well life's been.... ayer okay. same ol same ol. always complaining about how stress i am handling with so many projects and time is a big issue for me. thats what ive been through for the pass 3 years huh.

okay its saturday and i choose to stay at home cause im left with a week to finish 3 projects. well tell me about it, stress much? im effing psyched to get everything done and over with and party with my friends again. its been so long since i joined them. to be honest, i am gonna miss my classmates and my schoolmates and the school itself too. but this is life, we gotta move on. (this saying goes only if i manage to pass everything and graduate this semester though lol) Insyaallah. im so scared, i swear.

so dad kinda start on designing my room. he's gonna start on doing the renovation soon and then im able to paint some designs on the wall once i graduate with the help of Khai. stoked to get it all started mhehehe. after that, its time to look for a new temporary job. so im gonna say goodbye to starbucks veryyyyyyy soon. one thing for sure, i aint gonna remain my ass there in starbucks. noway.

so moving on, i'd send the appeal letter regarding my second accident to TP to reconsider my case (for the demerits and fine) since i lost to the taxi driver :( my first case has yet to be settled but i hope it will soon though. i really cant wait to enrol my 2A anymore. i really need to ride. why must my house be sooo freaking far from anywhere? :(

lastly,
BLACK SWAN IS AWESOME!
but i really wanna watch no strings attached!

okay thats about it for now.
have a great saturday! :)

You don't belong.

2011-02-09T00:18:00.004+08:00

Im trying my best to have a positive mindset and treasure whatever moments i have with someone (no im not talking about any particular person, just in general) and learn about them by myself. i have always been like that so dont try to brainwash me, everytime. i dont need any judgings or negative comments from you especially if its about the person's past, when in the first place you are not even close to the person. basically, i rather learn things myself, so thank you very much, i dont need your opinions.

if i tend to fall down one day,
dont worry, i wont be a trouble to you.
cause i know im strong.

TGIF/CNY

2011-02-04T22:39:00.011+08:00

Ps: if you look at the background, you can see how much junk food/food i have at home. you've yet to see the fridge and the cupboards! no one should ever complain about being hungry at my house cause my kitchen's awesome, bitches! hehehehee :B (ceh diam sudah)

(more pictures in dina's iphone)

My chinese new year holidays were well spent :)
thursday was a stay home day doing my 3dvr project. finally, a day at home the whole day! i miss it. im always out early to school and home late from work and since im not working this thursday till end of the week, im gonna make use of the time being productive.

as for today, my friday was spent meeting my 2 dearest gfs, maii and dina, finally! after quite some time. too bad shikin couldn't join us. crashed over at my crib and we baked betty croker's chocolate brownies (topped with vanilla ice cream), campbells mushroom soup, kraft mac&cheese macaroni, cucur ikan bilis jemput-jemput, fries, cp dumpling shrimp and spicy chicken. watched armageddon and it neverrrrrrr fails to make me cry -.- forever my #1 love movie followed by pearl habour (Y)

so the girls had just went off.
im freakinggggggggg full now and totally in a lazy mood.

as for tomorrow, imma gonna meet this boy again.
what must we do? assign the ment. what else, right Khai?

Thursday,

2011-02-03T15:49:00.003+08:00

omg i seriously feel like crying. my project folder for 3dvr project got corrupted. must be due to how i unplugged my hardisk when i was studying alone at starbucks 2 nights ago.. and it all got so useless. why must this happen to meeeeeeeeeeeeeee!? :'(((

now ive to start from scrap. sighhhhh.
gonna eat, shower and go hxc on this project :(

on another note,
i learned how to do fishtail braids! hee.
so now im contemplating on whether to have my hair cut or not...

Learning to breathe.

2011-01-31T13:40:00.005+08:00

Weekends were awesome. was totally a "free from assignments/projects" day. but now monday's here and the feeling of guilt of not touching any of my project is tremendous! moreover i didnt attend my 2 hours lesson.

so saturday was spend with the pasiris skaterboys for a "roadtrip" (thanks to Fir's car squeezing 6 people in haha) cum skate cum photoshoot for fun day. due to the rain, we had many pitstops under void decks and shell cause Ben was riding. finally skated at some berrics at Bedok. the rain was a non-stop hit. it was too nice but at the same time it was very leceh. so had dinner somewhere around the area and thanks to Farhan Benihana for meeting me at Whitesands at midnight and sharing a cab with me since the rest of them are staying at east side -.-

sunday, had work in the afternoon and Joey fetched me from work after that cause we were suppose to shop. due to me recommending her Max Brenner, we had their Munchies waffle for desert even before we had dinner hahaha. few hours later, we had Sakae Sushi and i swear the day was full of chroming on food rather than shopping hahaha.

Joey with the sushi and there's still 2 more type of sushi actually.

i had a well spend weekends and im suppose to be doing my projects now before heading to work but im procrastinating! haisss. im suppose to write an appeal letter to TP but im not confident enough. okay work at 5pm later and i swear to god, im as lazy as can be and to be honest, ive totally lose interest in working at Starbucks. endure another few more weeks and im outta there.

pictures of skate will be uploaded only IF im not lazy hehe bye!

Meet me by the water.

2011-01-28T19:00:00.003+08:00

Pizzahuts are way much better than canadian pizza.
and this is what i do everytime when i feel down or hurt: EAT.
cause i seek happiness again by stuffing nice things inside me.
i just dont talk about it to anyone.

this is how independent i am,
i suffer myself :'(

Love.

2011-01-26T10:55:00.000+08:00

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength
while loving someone deeply gives you courage." - Lao Tzu

Shakespeare.

2011-01-25T21:55:00.004+08:00

"I pray you, do not fall in love with me,
For I am falser than vows made in wine." - William Shakespeare

Night watch.

2011-01-23T01:58:00.006+08:00

Wokeup to a bad start early in a saturday's morning. its official, i lost in the 2nd case for my accident against the taxi driver. i'd spend so much, hurt so much, left scars on me and i cant even compensate a single cent. its unfair how they stereotype whoever hits from the back is the back person's fault, when it was partially the taxi driver's fault and some other cars who just cut in our way and a car who didn't give way to rider. fuck you drivers, fuck you spore's rule.

im just praying hard that ill win in the case for my 1st accident to the singh driver or else, ive got nothing more to say about all this shits. i just wanna get all this done and over with and enrol my 2A. haissssssssssssssss.

on a different note, met Khai Lakhai to do our assignments at Tampines Starbucks and im proud to say that i was so productive today. finally did my resume and cover letter and started on my "LOVE" assignment thanks to Khai for helping me out. he taught me how to use new medium today - copic markers and chinese calligraphy. hahaha. i cant wait to make my own portfolio after i graduate but most of all, i cant wait for him to help me paint my room! stoked!

alright its 2:16am now and im heading to bed soon. work tomorrow. im really, really bored of work already. i dont feel motivated to go to work anymore. i cant wait to graduate and quit starbucks cause easier said, i need a new change and new job experience. goodnight ya'll.

random.

2011-01-22T00:35:00.003+08:00

OH JYEAH IM COOL CAUSE IM USING A WIRELESS MOUSE!
-_____________- hahahaha
THANKS DAD! ♥

got a new earpiece, got a new wireless mouse, and a 500gb hardisk.
and finally completed and submitted my value reflection.
positive mindset - good things do happens, making up for the bad ones.
gonna complete my resume and cover letter and im done for tonight.

TGIF.

2011-01-21T22:02:00.004+08:00

I dont know what's up with me these days. no, not because of some emo shit thingy but because of being so careless. first, i snapped my own earpiece, then i broke my mouse, finally i lost my thumbdrive and it all happened in a day. i was lucky that APEL3 got cancelled today or else i'm screwed for not being able to open up my document in my hardisk. technology must hate me for awhile.

so anyways, i was so mentally and physically exhausted from my hectic schedule with work and school that i knocked out in the buses to and fro school. got my earpiece from popular using the voucher i received for my award and got home straight after school. and then dad told me whether i wanna check out Ketam downstairs. (he finally brought Ketam home and its been 3 months since i last saw him). i always told him i wasnt ready to see him moreover im not able to ride him anymore (only my dad rides it now). but it's about time. got downstairs and i saw him all new with new radiator, exhaust, decal!!! and LED headlights. he looks so.... handsome :'( brought me to tears and i just walked off. I SWEAR IT FEELS LIKE LEAVING A GUY YOU LOVE BEHIND BUT WORST. knowing that he's still there so close but not being able to touch him :(

i may sound exaggerating but come on, riders should know how i feel.

but dad was nice to say that he will not sell Ketam cause he knows how i feel for it and he's my first bike. and worst of all it was just an abrupt stop for me riding Ketam. thank you for understanding. ♥

nothing much ive got to say here. its all about the school now.
im left with 5 weeks of hardcore workloads and im out of the school. i dont wanna repeat any modules, i repeat, no repeating of modules or ill be so... #$%!(&@%

might be doing my art assignment with Khai Lakhai tomorrow at pasiris. nice.
oh burn the weekend for assignments~

Skate and Destroy.

2011-01-19T12:22:00.007+08:00

Here are a few pictures edited by yours truly.
didnt really take alot of pictures during that day cause both the dslr were used for video filming. just make the best of what ive got :)

Sunday, 16 January 2011.
"Skate shoe commercial" video filming for my I3DSYS project was 80% successful to my judgement. though there's some cockup here and there, it was still a blast. all of us had an ultimate fun time and its nice to let them get to know each other due to skate. so thank you to the skaters, Uzi Harith, Khai Lakhai, Rashidin, Firdaus Noah, Bulu, Firdaus Smallkiddo, Shawn White, Syauqi Ahmad, and the crews, Hi Sham, Husnul Bahri and Hendra for the day! ^_^ time to edit the video soon, covert into 3D and viola! hope it'll be a success.

The skaters and myself are planning to shoot a skate video on street! just for the fun of it. and Iskandar is also planning to shoot a skate video with me for my portfolio after his FYP is finally done. also, im planning to shoot a film for dirtbiking too! looking forward to all of the plans. InsyaAllah :)

Colour & Composition

2011-01-13T01:01:00.003+08:00

"Never marry the man you love,
but marry the man who loves you."

My art lecturer inspired me today.
i had a one on one talk with him about how impatient i am when im doing my artwork especially with handling detailed designs. and that i want to be an art teacher one day but im not confident enough. i wanna be a perfectionist and care about all the minor mistakes when im doing my art but i give up easily. and then he told me about his life story (he's 50-60plus i think) and said things that really keeps me motivated. i was amazed and got inspired at all his artworks. what he said today, totally brought me to a whole new perspective towards my behaviour in doing arts. greatly appreciate it.

"being good and great at something is different."

Thank you.

Welcome Back!

2011-01-11T00:49:00.002+08:00

YOU ARE FINALLY OUT AND ALIVE AGAIN!
talk to you again veryyy soon, friend! ^_^

2011-01-09T14:40:00.004+08:00

Rain, pink floyd in my playlist and cold mcgriddles with egg for late breakfast. mouth-watering Ikea pancakes waiting in the fridge to be heated up and eaten with my nestle vanilla ice cream. delicious chocolate cookie from Ikea that tasted just so... amazing :O
i just wanna stay home today.
fuck working on this beautiful sunday :(

on another note,
dad and me had furniture shopping spree at Ikea yesterday after my EPS. it was lovely to finally make time and spend it with my daddyanky and ditching Dash berlin. cant believe i actually told him about my "love" story with my previous ex and he listened and adviced me (which is so predictable) hahahaha. we bought a new bed frame for my new upcoming room!!!! and a cute orange lamp and more. i even described to him how i want my room to be completely remake and he's gonna do the awesome lightings on the ceiling and doing the whole interior renovation while i just planned out how i want the design to look like and we're gonna go shopping at Ikea again for all the furnitures and stuffs after the renovation is done! woooo! ive totally had the design in mind and i told him i wanna have a dark room with mixtures of motocross, art and music theme and a big "Element" logo painted on 1 side of my wall and all my motocross posters on another wall ^_^

THIS IS GONNA BE AWESOME! cant wait for the time!

im loving my 2011.
should i always mention that? well... JYEAH!?

Till the sky falls down.

2011-01-09T00:51:00.005+08:00

start of 2009, i let go of someone i used to love too much.
start of 2010, i lost the most awesome 3 boys/brothers to me in my life.
start of 2011, i lost a friend (to singapore's fck up government) whom i talked to every single night and also, i officially brokeup with my precious orange machine.

Got my baby Ketam fixed and kicking again. thanks to dad for handling all the payments but he kept it at work and i just hope to see it once again eventhough i know i cant ride it anymore :(

Dash berlin tonight,
and i cant believe i skipped.

Engineering Project Show 2011.

2011-01-08T23:20:00.007+08:00

(I SWEAR WE WERE FORCED TO POSE LIKE THAT BHAHA)

Project name: Hand Gesture Accelerated 3D Game Development

Ive been very busy these passed few days due to the EPS held at my school. with the formal outfit and heels (i swear i felt like a freaking grown up lady for 3 days) and waking up every morning to rush to school. let me update about what actually happened.

in 2010, since april to sept, i'd my final year project attachment in school and stressing myself with all the scriptings and time management. everyday i had to be in school from 9am-530pm and i felt that my social life was very bad cause im juggling with school and also work. and to be honest, i have always thought of just scrapping through the project and just get it done and over with w/o having any thoughts of achieveing high. as long as i pass my FYP, im cool with it.

however! result were judged early this year and good news came to me and my partner, Sham, and we were announced one of the group who achieved a Merit Award which means our grade is an A or A+! this means that we are one of the top 5% student in the freaking whole cohort!!! O M G. i was soooooooo proud and suprised cause me and Sham didnt even thought we can go this far.

therefore, 2 days ago on Thursday till today, our project and few of the other students who got Merit and also Commendation award had to display our project on this Enginnering Project Show. i was honoured and it felt so good to go up the stage and collect my Merit award cert while my dad is down there watching and supporting me. i feel so proud and it got me all smiling in my heart. to make it much better, our project was selected to present to the PRINCIPLE OF TEMASEK POLYTECHNIC!!! ONLY SELECTED! and BERITA HARIAN REPORTERS INTERVIEWED US!!! we got people taking our photos, we got alot of visitors, lecturers, students and more people coming to our booth and praising us. i never felt so proud since i got into TP. i never thought of leaving TP with something proud to remind me of. (im actually not really interested in my course lol)

Im blessed.
i knew it, i know 2011 will be a good year for me :)
Alhamdulilah.

:(

2011-01-04T02:20:00.001+08:00

"Yes, you definitely need a masters if you want to be a clinical psychologist. You can still be a psychologist with a first class honours degree and some work experience, but most will prefer a masters degree. It takes about 6 years to get a masters. A diploma in psychology is useless, you will definitely need at least an honours degree in Singapore. However, if you practise in other countries, they require at least masters (with US requiring a PhD/DPsych).

If you have the resources, I suggest going to Australia to do your education and training. The psychology field in Singapore leaves much to be desired... and only NUS offers masters of psychology. You can also do it through James Cook Uni Singapore campus if funds are a bit tight but you will need at least A levels or a diploma to apply. Not sure if private diplomas are accepted."

totally demoralising. 6 years?! masters?!
sighhh ill never make it :(

SPS?

2011-01-04T01:38:00.004+08:00

"It's easy to see the flaws in people,
But do you have what it takes to recognise the good in them?"

ive to find a cert for doing volunteering work / taking up self-directed programme for my portfolio to pass this APEL3 module before i graduate.

i had one in mind, but im not so sure about it. but i find it interesting.
i kinda asked my dad for opinion but he told me its dangerous and its better if i handle with kids instead. im left with 2 months. im dead.

Psychiatrist.

2011-01-04T00:53:00.005+08:00

I always wanted to be a psychiatrist.
to help people in difficulties and ill be glad to hear their problems, understanding them, sharing any experiences i'd encountered and giving them advices. i have always enjoy listening.

but i know that i couldnt get into that diploma, cause i have to achieve 5 credits with less than 10 points and my english had to be a B3 grade, maximum. but im just not that smartass. ive been thinking lately, of taking a private diploma and degree in that scope if im ready, but i know people might be saying that im wasting my time cause being a psychiatrist is quite a risky job cause nobody really believes in them anymore. but i love the challenges, especially dealing with teenagers and ex-convicts or criminals. i wanna listen to their stories.

cause i believe in having hope and faith in them.

oh well, this are all big dreams.
we shall see where time will bring me.... InsyaAllah.

New year.

2011-01-03T01:08:00.006+08:00

It's already the 3rd day since 2011 started! time passed so fast that i still cant belive that its already a new year. 2010 had been an awesome year to me! thank you 2010 :) it was full of experiences with Ketam, meeting new people here and there, done with FYP and achieveing a merit award / nominated for distinction, having the time of my life partying, finally getting to meet Paramore live, knowing and realizing who my true friends are, learning how to be more independent and taking chances, been in a too fast get together and break up r/s which doesnt work for me at all and i learnt that i rather live alone than being with someone i cant love. and the top list of my unforgetable experiences would be the 2 bike accidents i had in 2 weeks in october. there are whole loads more that i wanna jot it down but that should be it for now :)

but to be honest, though 2011 is just another year, im looking forward to what i have in line. ive got it all planned out and im so excited for them! here are my top 10 in random order!

1) enrol for a car license
2) get my 2A license
3) ktm4 motard or offroad (ive yet to decide)
4) graduate with a good GPA
5) try applying for a full time retail job (Eg. Xtremerated/B&S)
6) late 2011, apply for stewardess in SIA/Silkair or else,
6) apply for NIE in arts teaching
7) create my own crew for documentary video filming
8) gonna completely renovate and design my own room with surrealistic arts/music/motocross theme with decals, posters, paintings and wall paintings all over the wall!
9) do something big for my 20th birthday!
10) BALI!!!!!!

just to add another last resolution, it would be...
to gain courage to fall in love again w/o holding myself back.
and to give my whole heart to him.
that is my weakness link.

so say holla to a new life and new experiences!
2011, please be good to me! ♥

5th day.

2011-01-02T01:14:00.007+08:00

Internet's being a fcking bitch as always.
and im being a fcking lazyass stoner these days sigh.
"All my days were spent by telephone that never rang." -Fray

on a side note,
wherever you are,
Happy new year and i hope you're doing fine in there, Uzi.

and im listening to Pink Floyd - Wish you were here, which you send the link in msn to me and ever since i downloaded the new version of msn, we got excited to "view together" but ended up, it wasnt what we thought it was haha hmm sigh

i wish to talk to you about everything thats in my mind right now.
dear friend, i miss talking to you.
it's been 5 nights and nobody knows where you're missing.
i hate when the night comes these days.
im not looking forward to every night anymore.

I know its the truth, i hope its a lie.

2010-12-31T01:14:00.005+08:00

It affects me so much how you suddenly dissappear since tuesday night from everyone and everywhere. and then it struck me - i remembered everything you told me about how your in charge officer has the capability of you-know-what if you dont meet the criteria between the certain months given (i dont wanna mention anything here). but i kept on believing and telling you that it will never happen again; you will get a job and that everything's gonna be fine therefore i never ask any deeper questions about that.

but i was wrong.

i just had this strong feeling that you're send to 'it' back but i keep on telling myself it's just a lie to myself. and then Shaun told me he thinks so too. and i still try hard to believe it's just a lie. but then i kept on waking up from my sleep thinking about it automatically and having conversation dreams with you in my sleep.

i know this sounds so depressing but yes! i swear the feeling is so depressing and i know who the fck am i to feel this way, but to be honest, im feeling so lost not only because you were the one who was excited to help me skate in my shoot, not only because you were the one who has been helping me out to convoy and update the skaters, not only because you were the one who had been there to help me take pictures of the skatepark when i was shy to go there alone. BUT because you were a stranger and a friend who has been the one who has always asked me every single night, "how was your day?" / "how are you?"

if i could, i would have written everything thats in my mind now about why is it so hard for me to just leave this alone? basically i have a heart, and i care.

i just want an answer thats all. i know that what im assuming in my head regarding his sudden absentee is the truth, but i hope its a lie. if its true, how long is it gonna take? and are you able to inform anyone from the outside at all? one mistake: i never asked cause i believe it would never happen again. and now all i have to rely on... is time.

i never thought minor chances could be a sudden 'major' :/
i'll leave the soul to meet. or i'll give myself some time.
goodnight for now.

MIA.

2010-12-29T23:57:00.004+08:00

*prays hard* i hope i can get through him or vice versa before tomorrow morning :( sigh, i knew it. ive already had this bad feeling few days back that something will be cocked up :(

Thanks punkrock for accompanying me throughtout the night.

2010-12-29T05:48:00.004+08:00

Hi its 5:50 in the morning now. yawns.

im halfway done with my storyboard but i have the ideas and concepts all in my mind, credits to Rusydi for generating ideas for me late in the morning! few research of stereoscopic done, packing of the shooting equipments done, what to wear done (lol) and now im finally going to sleep before i wakeup in 4 hrs time. one thing for sure, i hope my ideas wont vanish away when i wakeup :O gdmorning ya'll!

ps: those of have spare their time hearing me whine and suffer regarding this project, this is it. heh. sexcited for this 2 days :)

The sky could fall tonight.

2010-12-29T00:46:00.006+08:00

Its an official heart-aching announcement from my dad - Ketam and i are breaking up for good. my insurance is gonna expire in less than a month and dad's not allowing me to renew it. he told me he's just gonna keep the bike under his name till someone's willing to pay a good price for the bike or wait till i trade in with a ktm4 if i get my 2A license. no more 2stroke, no more dirt session for i dont know how long :'( goodbye my sexy machine. you'd done me well. you'd make my 2010 filled with so much experience and gave me an awesome time meeting new people too.

on a positive note, dad said this to me "you're not gonna ride your ktm anymore but im sure 2011 you will have a new bike." at least that makes me feel better. and to make things a lil okay, he told me i can ride a small bike first while waiting for my 2A bike. but just wait for a few months time since im still recovering from my accident. hmmm. for now, RIP Ketam, you'll never be forgotten. ♥

so its finally my off day tomorrow after working for days and days! tomorrow afternoon will be my skate video test shoot and if everything goes well (pray hard), thursday will be the final shooting with the skaters. InsyaAllah everything will go smoothly. and then ill be meeting my girls at night, like finally!

alright, im gonna start doing my draft storyboard and prepare my stuffs for tomorrow now and that shows that im gonna be heading to bed late tonight. sigh sigh. but before i end this post, i would like to wish my Dina Mermaiddd...

HAPPY LEGALLY 21ST BIRTHDAY!!! ♥♥♥

Anybody out there.

2010-12-28T01:50:00.006+08:00

My sexy macbook and my night cup from starbucks hehe.

I waste my time every single night staring in front of the computer screen waiting for something exciting or good to happen....

which obviously it doesn't happen.

this makes me feel so unproductive. and useless.
i wake up almost everyday just in time for work,
and only be back home late at night, FROM WORK.

i wish i have more motivation and inspiration.

2011, please be more suprising and thrilling(?) to me.
i need more exciting experience than what i already had,
and more adrenaline rush please!

Soulmate.

2010-12-28T01:20:00.003+08:00

Everyday i try my best to live my life without you, forcing myself to move on but its just so hard. everytime im alone and especially at night, ill miss you so much that no words could describe how it feels like. i never felt this way before. its been 2 months now, and im still waiting for the day that ill meet you again or perhaps at least just see you...... so im here to say, gdnight Ketam, i'll love you always. ♥

Merry Xmas!

2010-12-26T01:52:00.007+08:00

been too busy and packed every single day that i dont even have time to have a proper meal or even open my fridge to do some junking, ok no im not kidding. (but finally i had my mac meal just now! heh heh) friday afternoon was off to somerset skatepark and thanks to Uzi for accompanying me and helping me take pictures of the skatepark instead of me taking it hahahhaha. oh yeah the pictures are for my project anw, for the video shooting which we will prolly be shooting it this coming thursday if the test shoot on wednesday runs smoothly. insyaAllah.

some random shots of the skaters aka Uzi's friends.

so earlier on was xmas. was suppose to watch abject poetry perform at Cine, but again for the second time, its raining and got cancelled (once was last month). pity them. not once, but twice! but overall i had a good time with the usuals and some others whom i havent met for quite some time. had our supper and chilled at Cuscaden bar since its raining cats and dogs and obviously there's no outdoor activity that we can do. now im home and tomorrow there is Maz's daugther birthdya party and then work at 4pm to closing. im still contemplating whether i should go to the party or not, cause everything's so rushing! hmmmmm....

on a side note,
1 week to the new year!
and im looking forward to what im gonna do that night! :D

Aww.

2010-12-21T22:52:00.002+08:00

Hi new baby cousin in the familia! ♥
Muhd Shafariz/ris? oh im not sure which but awww...
looking and holding him makes me wanna have one on my own.
bwahahhahahah shall wait another few more years! hehehe

1:20am

2010-12-20T01:19:00.005+08:00

I dont publicize my blog link. cause i update alot here and most of it are random post cause honestly, i wish i have someone to listen to me talk about all the random things that's in my mind and asked me how my day was cause i always have something to talk about every little things hahaha hmm that's about it what i yearned for...

Another typical sunday.

2010-12-19T15:36:00.003+08:00

Kfc breakfast waffle looks good! Im gon have the breakfast set tomorrow morning before my consultation with my doctor regarding my MRI scanning result. (positive or negative for ligament tear) just to make myself feel good before i know the result. or maybe after? hmmmmm... frying jemput jemput now. im always full of distractions. once i start doing research on my projects, ill either get sleepy, hungry or the music im listening to just isnt right for the moment -.-

Uma Familia.

2010-12-19T13:55:00.004+08:00

Just as i was gon be broke or should i say im already broke since im only holding 3bucks in my wallet and 30-40 bucks in my POSB till my next pay on January (once i have only 50bucks in my POSB, i declare myself broke), dad gave me 50 bucks to spend on anything and my sis gave me another 22 bucks (dont ask me why there's a 2)! now this is what im talking about~ winks.

It's not the same anymore.

2010-12-19T13:50:00.002+08:00

Early this year, Hayley Williams promised that we wont have to wait for another 5 years for Paramore to come to spore again. guess its not gonna happen or maybe its just not the same anymore since its official that Josh and Zack are leaving Paramore :( my favourite band since i was 14 and now it's all a goodbye.

Melling.

2010-12-19T01:50:00.004+08:00

Thanks for giving me a simply wonderful saturday filled with laughters and just girl to girl bitchy/bimbo moments that im really looking for after sooooo long. i miss those times. i miss my social life. ♥

SAME UH UH SAME LA SAME

2010-12-18T13:20:00.003+08:00

Aziee says (1:07 PM):
i just wokeup anw
hahahahahah
Uzi says (1:08 PM):
same uh
i havent bath
Aziee says (1:08 PM):
hahaha smae uh
i wokeup tros on comp
hahahah
Uzi says (1:08 PM):
but i ate and had coffee
Aziee says (1:08 PM):
saem
same
Uzi says (1:08 PM):
same uh
Aziee says (1:08 PM):
uh same uh
Uzi says (1:08 PM):
i like tha u know
Aziee says (1:08 PM):
hhahahah ceh irritating
like what?
Uzi says (1:08 PM):
wake up only press the lappy on button
like what like that
Aziee says (1:08 PM):
EH SAME UH
hahahahah
Uzi says (1:08 PM):
HASHAAHAH
Aziee says (1:08 PM):
i didnt even step tolilet or what tros on comp
Aziee says (1:09 PM):
bhahaha
Uzi says (1:09 PM):
yeahh same uh
EH SAME UH
Aziee says (1:09 PM):
UH SAME LA
samee
HAHAAHA
Uzi says (1:09 PM):
UH UH UH SAME UH UH
uh
uh
uh
UH!

lol dont ask me why but i just find this funny.

bwahahhaha.

2010-12-16T23:24:00.003+08:00

My phone's always silent.
to the extend that i forget that i own a handphone until i was rummaging in my bag to pack my stuffs and i realized that my phone's been in my bag the whole time hahaha ok seriously, my social life sucks. im done with going out alone almost everytime. i need to meet my friends already. to the weekends with Mel! cheers~

.

2010-12-15T21:48:00.001+08:00

I hate being broke _l_

Sick!

2010-12-15T21:29:00.005+08:00

Fcking irritating cough.
been staying home for 2 days and eating too much.
lazy to entertain the shitzzz crap out of her.
cant wait to have my own room (peace!) once i graduate.
...now this is the period of time when i get bored with my life.
suprise me please someone. i need a breather. blearghs.

adventureland was aye-okay.
charlie st cloud was a sweet/touching movie.

Tuesday blues.

2010-12-14T15:07:00.004+08:00

im sick. sooo sick. its so predictable that im gon get sick cause i feel it coming already - all the getting drenched in the rain and going in and out of aircon rooms and sudden increment of temperature when i step outside the cold rooms. ditch work as of today and im deeply sorry for the absence and greatly thankful for the understanding, Razi and Ryn :(

so its the holiday for me already and all that's in my head is to get my assignments done asap and to work and work and work. im not really looking forward to do activities but just a meetup with friends here and there for awhile would be fine for me. i hope the skate shooting for next week or next 2 weeks will still be on. its so rushing! ive to get prepared for the calculation and equipments already. damns.

my head's spinning already. as much as i want to rest in bed, my head's being so stubborn. it keeps on saying "you must at least do abit of your art assignment or you'll burn a day of being unproductive." idiot, gives me so much guilt. so imma do something useful before i take a rest. im out.

Lone.

2010-12-12T23:38:00.002+08:00

Im starting to feel so...
@$%fd$#gf%TUJVHGCTY$%WE&R&ITFTYD*%%@#@

fcking retard.

Zoukout 10!

2010-12-12T22:53:00.007+08:00

Its sunday, a day after Zoukout and i guess everyone will be posting about it here and there and yes, im one of them. before i start storytelling, i just have something in my head which gets me kinda irritated and i have to type it out. the thing is, it's none of you-not-attending-Zoukout people's business if you think Zoukout's overrated or whatsoever, so holla mate, take a chill pill! why get so criticism about it in FB thinking you're so funny or cool bitching about Zoukout? jealous much i suppose? if you're not going, then just stfu and dont have to critisize how overrated it is or cursing for the rain to pour or making a joke out of it. it's the party goers' interest and they wanna have fun for the party of the year, so why not you anti-Zoukout people go make your own plans which makes you so goddam happy. gosh, immatures. if you feel the pinch, then thats your problem. period.

so on a positive note, Zoukout was two thumbs up! went with Raini and the 8 boys and met more people here and there. Dj Tiesto was.... AWESOME! as expected. missed afrojack :( caught laidback luke and gave guetta a miss cause my leg cant carry on after dancing too long (moreover with my suspected-ligament tear on my feet) and it was already 5am and the crowd was too much. caught dubfire to take a rest and chill instead. reached home around 11am and i was as dead as a dead person that i slept throughtout the whole sunlight and wokeup in the evening and dad asked me if i wanna make a new specs. so i got a new specs! yipes! :D thanks dad! ♥

so here are few of the pictures from Ali's camera.
and do excuse the smelly faces hahahha.

Jay Adams aka Emile Hirsch.

2010-12-10T20:27:00.005+08:00

LODT is tha shitzzz! and im in love with Jay when he has his bandana/fedora on and especially when he goes bald. aaaaaadorable! one freaking cute bald-headed gangster skater! (Y)

on a side note, just as i thought that my nixon tanktop has arrived, no it didnt. brands & merch just emailed me saying that they received the wrong parcel -.- so ive to wait another few more days which means no nixon tanktop for tomorrow's zoukout. boo. ill go for hurley then.

Redhead.

2010-12-10T17:35:00.003+08:00

Touching up my hair to red, yet again.
since it has already faded to brown.

gon ditch everything that is school related for today and the weekends and as for now, imma gon watch Lords of dogtown while waiting for another 4-5 hrs before i wash my hair. yes, i take that long to leave the dye on my hair before i wash them. heh. meeting the boys and Raine tonight and say holla to my upcoming sure-to-be awesome weekends! cheers! ;)

Vx Trpr!

2010-12-10T16:17:00.008+08:00

and so ive finally bought my handsome vox trooper! the sales assistant told me that i was the first customer to buy vox trooper black since they just launched it mhehehe. was comtemplating so bad on either macbeth vegan holiday, vans oldschool/era pewter or vox trooper/savey. after much surveying, ive finally decided to go with vox tropper since ive alrdy own 2 macbeth and 3 vans and some others. and vox savey looks like vans so might as well i ditch that. moreover, ive this thing in my mind to collect as many different brands of shoes and display it on a plank in my room.

im planning to grab the macbeth vegan for my next pay since its only 99bucks! and whats more is that its orange/black (the latest collection). sweet! so ive talked to Vin the sales assistant from Boards & Stuffs Scape about hiring part-time worker and he told me to submit a resume. im done with it but one thing is that.... im scared to submit :/ hahaha kental.

ditch OCC job. suddenly not interested. i rather stick to starbucks for now since ive truckloads of projects and assignments. tomorrow's zoukout! kinda psyched but at the same time i feel like "wah so fast the day has come?". im not even prepared on what to wear or whatsoever. hahaha but one thing for sure is that im so excited to go with the kaki gereks and meet some others there :D hope it'll be a night not to forget.

ps: a guy being so bunge and bitchy? yucks.

1 year.

2010-12-09T11:17:00.005+08:00

Today marks the date and day that ive finally remove my Pplate.
hehehehehehehe say holla to OT. LOL -.-

i have always been looking forward to the first day that i can take out my Pplate and ride w/o it. sadly, im not riding for now. so it doesnt makes any differene :'( and i had planned since forever that today itself, 9 december 2010, is the day that im gonna enrol my 2A. too bad it didn't happen. sigh, never look forward to anything pffftt. (ps; how contradicting it is that i just mentioned in the post below this that im looking forward to the skateshoe commercial filming lol)

I3DSYS

2010-12-09T10:47:00.002+08:00

So im doing an interactive 3D display system project on one of my module this semester. and it's designing a commercial and converting it into Zalman 3D monitor. honestly, im not really into this module due to the extremely chim calculations of stereoscopy shits but what psyched me most is that im doing a commercial on shoes. and my plan is to do on skate shoes. storyline could be anything whether we want it photographed, modelling in C4D or anything, and im doing it on filming and photogprahy. though im not major in filming, ive got to thank Iskandar Darry greatly for agreeing to help me out on it! and also Uzi for agreeing to be part of the video and convoying some skaters.

come term break, imma gonna start the plannings.
effing stoked! im looking forward for this! :D

Freudian sllip.

2010-12-05T03:49:00.002+08:00

Ive been taking too much cab rides uneccesarily.
due to my always being late in particular. sigh.
must.stop.the.habit.

anyhoos, paintball earlier on was AWE!-waitforit-SOME!
and catching up with the old mates and had the never ending talk and reminiscene about how fun our secondary school life was, it was very nice and good to know that we never forget. strong friendship. ♥

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HENDRA! :D

imma hit the town alone tomorrow before work. ughh damn lazy to work. im not suppose to work but due to a close colleague being sick, ive to cover. malassss hais. alright its 4:43am and we're playing some "see if your memory is good enough" mehehe gdnight!

The truth about life.

2010-12-04T15:59:00.004+08:00

im holding back my sleeping time every single night and nowadays im as stone as a zombie. stupid of me but i just cant seem to discipline myself. even though ive got fckingloads of assignments, ill tend to stone in front of the laptop and procrastinate. what am i thinking? no idea. im distracted. i need new environment to do my work alone. this weekdays were nightmare. and friday afternoon had to make things worst.

i had a hospital checkup regarding my 2nd accident in the morning, so i had to skip school. its so extremely stressful thinking when is all this lawyer-meetups, hospital checkups, xrays and all gon end. so i had my orthopedic checkup with the doctor about my leg and it doesnt seem like a good news. it has already been a month plus but my leg still hurts and im always forcing myself to walk normally to look okay. so whats the news? bad. took my xray yet again and it was suspected that i might tear a ligament on my right foot. doctor told me to go for a MRI scanning and it will cost me $488 :'( and if its positive, ive got to go for surgery :'( hais. thank god ive got a lovely dad who will always be there to support me when all else fails. (supposedly i had an MRI scanning regarding my hip for my 1st accident but i skipped cause i found it useless that im okay at last). but i cant do it for now. cause my leg's not doing any better every morning i wakeup, and i need my leg to do alot of things! i was alone at the hospital and i swear i feel so fcked up that i wanna roll on the floor and cry. ok thats a joke hahahahaa. was given 30 days hospitalized leave by the doctor and he told me not to work (hell no way, i AM gon work) and the bill was a bomb too for just ytd. fck this accident, i swear money is #1 priority when you live in this stupid money-minded country call singapore. let's just put it to the MINIMUM that ive to fork out 3k for all this checkups, maintenance of my bike and all before the insurance pays me for only next 2 or 3 years. FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK _l_ $_$ _l_

okay just to make myself feel clamed, i went to shop alone at town in the afternoon after all that drama. omg hows that? AT 12PM-3PM IN TOWN SHOPPING! so not me, hahahhaa but it ws good cause dad gave me money and i bought myself stuffs after quite some time. work after that and i felt like a sucker. i was not in a good mood all the way. i was soooo tired that i was as bad as talking to customers in a "whatever just gimme your fcking order" tone and body language O_o so my kaki gerek colleagues had been planning to hangout friday night and initially i wanted to ditch that. but gave it a try after a hectic week and guess what? YOU GUYS LITERALLY JUST MADE MY NIGHT BRIGHTENED UP ONCE AGAIN! had junk food like mad and played some fun games which Razi invented it in the middle of a road and dragged the time till 6am! cabbed home and i was as dead as a zombie. but it was all worth it ♥

so here i am, feeling positive again and today, with the sec schoolmates, imma shoot some paintballs at ma boys today! PYSHCED! its Hendra's birthday and we're celebrating his bday with shooting paintballs at bottletree park! got to go now, im freaking latez!

ps: though how bad things may poured on me all at one shot, and that sometimes i may seem like im independent enough to put everything back in its place, its not always like that. its not 'im okay im gon be fine on my own'. not at this point of time. honestly, i need someone to talk to. i need someone to listen to me. i need someone to cry on and then laugh after hearing what the doctor said. i need someone to make me say its gon be fine. i need someone to be there with me at all my hospital checkups. i only need 1 person, but its not gonna happen to me.

FUCK YOU PMS. FUCK YOU!
and i know i'd said too much fuck in this post. excuse me.

We intertwined.

2010-11-30T13:42:00.000+08:00

Our souls met.

You are the moon.

2010-11-28T01:48:00.002+08:00

Reminds me of the good times.
it just makes me feel so calm.

Congrats!

2010-11-28T00:43:00.002+08:00

I'll like to congratulate my old friend, Emma Abdullah and Aidil Jamaludin a wonderful future together! last long and may you two be full of happiness in your new life. as of today, they are an officially married couple! can change status already LOL.

Emma was so pretty just now. beautiful bride. when i saw her standing on the pelamin and smiling gorgeously while taking picture, i was wondering when would it be my turn. NO, not in a good way. FIRSTLY, i cant even imagine myself getting married, SECONDLY, i cant even imagine myself taking loads of photos and SMILING. my goodness, i got a big problem with smiling. basically, i suck i cant smile.

after wedding, rushed home to get change and rushed out again to meet Trav to do my school assignments. and so im here to say, im done with 1 assignment! WOOP! though im left with a whole lot more, im still proud of myself mehehhehe bye

This is it.

2010-11-27T13:43:00.005+08:00

Its already 1.45pm and ive got my friend's wedding to catch but here i am, in front of my laptop doing my major project report. ill feel so restless if i were to go to the wedding knowing that back at home, ive got like 8 to-do-list for school assignments. moreover, ill be working full shift till midnight tomorrow and ive got no time to do my assignments.

sometimes, im scared that ill grow up being a a lonely independent woman who'll work harder than trying to fall in love harder, cause sometimes, i just foresee that that's how my future will be like. you get my drift?

Dumb.

2010-11-26T09:42:00.002+08:00

Ary just made me look and feel so foolish :'(
what a way to start a convo :/

"Still waters run deep"

2010-11-26T00:54:00.002+08:00

i thought i knew better but for someone like you, you brought me to a whole new level of suprise! :O

so honestly, bad boys who secretly has a strong knowledge about Islam, really attracts me. but pretty boys who only thinks about fashion and looking good and know nuts about religion, totally turn me off. how irony the world is.

dont even mention about the ones who's born Islam but proclaim himself a free-thinker. oh modern world~ major turn off.

Sigh.

2010-11-26T00:39:00.003+08:00

He said i was the best.

Dance with the devil.

2010-11-26T00:31:00.002+08:00

"So when the devil wants to dance with you, you better say never -- because a dance with the devil might last you forever."

ive been listening to meaningful raps/hiphop in youtube thanks to Uzi. totally not those stupid, meaningless, mainstream raps about sex/booze/boobs/money but the ones that is full of stories behind it. more of religions, god, political and such. nice.

Luke Holland.

2010-11-24T02:30:00.002+08:00

i have a hugeeeee thing for musician, especially drummers.

DO WATCH! :D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHA19LoZtU8

Future.

2010-11-20T23:53:00.005+08:00

So here i am, stuck in a dilemma with 3 different situations. this had me thinking for a long time already and sometimes im scared of what i'll become after i graduate.

1) im planning to be a stewardess (but not as a career though). fly and explore the world first! but not being so confident with myself in this line, i'll say i'll have a low chance.

2) work in a retail dream job of mine! those boards & stuffs, xtremerated, UNO etc etc shops somewhere in Scape or Cine. talking about boards & stuffs, Uz is helping me out to ask for a job vacancy there. seriously, if i were to get it, ill be the happiest girl alive. ive been dreaming to work there! sigh sigh. but still, not as a career. only to work there for the time being while i still wanna enjoy after my graduation and catchup with my social life and get a bike back.

3) NIE. if i cant get into #1 & #2, ill immediately continue my studies at NIE and be a teacher. but only in arts! or maybe maths too. but nowhere near secondary school. only primary school i guess.

and to close my chapters, if i get either the 3 mentioned, thats just the first step to my working life. what i wanna be most is to be under the government police. not just a neighbourhood police but some CID shits or dealing with drugs and stuffs. it'll be thrilling and fun though i know it could be dangerous and the work timing is CRAZY!

but what saddens me is that deep down i know my dad wants me to work under the IT business where i'll deal with all the modern technologies/softwares, 3D modern/future shits stuffs. eg avatar movie. yes cool, but interest? 0%. and anw, that's what the future wants. the current world is already getting famous with all this 3D thingy. and moreover, im studying in THAT scope cause im taking diploma in interactive media technology. sigh. im graduating in less than 4 months and im already feeling butterlfies.

whatever that pays me 2k minimum for a basic salary and start off pay,
i'll take it! ok no it depends lol aiyerr

But who's countin?

2010-11-20T16:07:00.002+08:00

Tempted to watch movies and how i met your mother.
DAMN IT SCHOOLWORK. DAMN IT!!!
im utterly distracted :(

Grenade.

2010-11-20T13:53:00.007+08:00

Hello Saturday. im gon make myself productive today. i went to sleep ytd night thinking that i will not go out but settle my schoolworks that HAVE TO BE DONE! ive got too many assignments and projects and no thank you, i dont wanna stay back for another 5 months whereas all my classmates will be graduating :/ i feel so scared of school. never felt this scared about school before. haa.

so anyways, ytd was the day i finally came back to work. (cant believe im actually taking work transport for the second time in my whole 2years3months working in starbucks lol) it feels good to be back to work and they're welcoming. i miss work and i MUST work cause im planning to save 2k (for something i think its still too early to mention here) by next year before may? ive also applied work at orchid country club thanks to my cousin. i hope i get it and its paying me better than starbucks and moreover its just behind my house! so 2 works + 3 more months of school? NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THAT! ALL OUT AZY! *Azy boleh!* lol

okay im gon start listing down my to-do-list for today and start on my schoolworks. i hate my current life but i must survive this. every end of the year is always sucky to me. burn you in hell end of the year -.-

and im suprised at myself for the fact that i dont even feel a thing of what i saw and read ytd. guess i wasnt into it anymore. or maybe i just wasnt the old paranoid low-self esteem Azy i used to be. naise. my friends call me ignorant, cold-hearted and stuffs but i guess sometimes it's better to be that way at times like this.

Trilogy.

2010-11-17T23:44:00.002+08:00

"You just can't jump to the end. the journey is the best part."

Well, ive been having the best journey ever since..........
been doing lots of soul-searching, gaining a whole different levels of kickass experience, meeting and ditching new people and the list goes on. and i know im a very fickle-minded person like what everybody would say. but ive made up my mind, and im pretty sure im not done with the journey yet...

i was just full of jealousy and missing my pass i guess.

Ps: Sham was testing me if i would put "Trilogy" as one of my post title.

Gold and Silver.

2010-11-14T21:56:00.008+08:00

So i had dinner with my family at A&A teh tarik near the jamming studio. been years since ive been hanging out there since i was 13-14 but have never had a real dinner with big dishes till today haha. we had hong kong chillie crab, baby squid and oatmeal prawn. but too bad the food wasnt as delicious as i thought :/

anyways, ive been how i met your mother marathoning and now im already halfway at season 4. nice. its just addictive. i love Barney!

okay Brands & Merch organiser or member just chatted with me and he was asking if i wanna be part of them or something. he told me i just have to wear the t-shirts they sponsor me and just pose a picture with it and promote it to my friends. what's even cooler is that he asked me to wear it and pose it with my bike or something to promote to those 'kind' of people. but i told him too bad im not riding ketam anymore. thats sad for me but he said its ok as long as i just help them to wear and promote it. awesome or what. ill be wearing and getting the type of clothes i love. we'll see if this really gonna works.

alright, im gonna pack my stuff and hit the sack.
goodnight readers! :)

Road to recovery.

2010-11-13T13:46:00.004+08:00

I know its very wrong that im posting about this. but i cant help to say that every single day, there's never a day that ive stop missing him ever since day 1 when i fell in love with him. how much i try to move on and dissed him, nothing actually change deep inside. 2005, punkrock returns gig @ substation was the day and place i saw my first love.

i keep on believing in faith and fate only with him.
i feel really sorry for myself.

Happy.

2010-11-13T13:17:00.003+08:00

Firstly, i would like to wish Asyraf and his mom an awesome...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Raini, Taufiq, Iman, Dasuki, Ariff, Ali and myself bought a birthday cake and suprised Asy at his house and then followed by suprising his mom at close midnight as it was his mom's birthday after that. nice. simple celebration but it was good that we find time to meet after quite some time. and as for today, we're heading out again and yesssaaa, zoukout tix here we come hunneh!~

so earlier on ytd, i skipped school as i had an appointment at TTSH and i swear i hate the doctor. whatever Khan. i was actually shocked that the appointment was regarding NNI (National Neuroscience Institute). its like for brain checkup? but luckily there was nothing wrong with my head/brain cause during the accident the doctor said that i might suffered a minor head injury :/ so anw, had my stitches removed like finally. 3 dec ive to skip school again for another checkup regarding my leg. haiyo ive skipped classes too much already. went home and then Haikal texted me for lunch so he fetched me under my void deck and we had a random last minute plan lunch at Seoul Garden. NICE!

alright, gotta be productive and clean the house abit before i head out later. have a good saturday people! David Guetta, Tiesto, Laidback luke on my playlist and im already feeling the excitement for zoukout! nyeaheaheha *must-stay-cool*

3 years, 2 months...

2010-11-10T00:15:00.001+08:00

Got this from Alfa's tumblr.

And what if i still feel the same?

Fate.

2010-11-09T23:12:00.008+08:00

(candid shot Mel took few months back and im wearing my helmet on cause there's too many fireflies on the ceiling lights. eww. anyways, i realized i rarely, or should i say never, took any photos of me together with Ketam haha im just lazy sigh)

Dad said that maybe i wasnt fated with Ketam, just like a marriage didnt work out. but not because he's making me feel degraded but the fact that it was actually kinda... true. Ketam had been giving me problems during half the year and when he's doing all good and kickin' again, he led me into 2 accidents in 2 weeks. no baby, it's not that im blaming you that things didnt work out in the end. it's just that... maybe we're just not fated to last till now. i'll see how it will go with your big brother next year okay insyaAllah. mehehe mentel. but i miss you, every single day it hurts ok Ketam you stupid idiot! :'(

anw, i wanna thank Haikal.h greatly for being my saviour for fetching me to school and sending me home while im still at my hardest moments due to my sprained ankle. though he can be a mean jerk most of the time (i swear to God im not kidding), i still appreciate the help. ♥

its been too long already and now, taking public buses makes me queasy all the time especially long journey ride. *vomits*

im watching Danger boy aka Brian Deegan's 4 years old son videos on youtube since yesterday. he's just too adorable. if i were to live in the US and i have kids, i'll have a husband teaching them motocross just like how Deegan guided his kids. awesome dad.

Saturday / Mettle games / Reunion

2010-11-07T15:24:00.009+08:00

mettle game ytd was not as exciting as i thought it would be. (xfighters last year was still the best, duh!) guess im only into the motard/cub race compared to the other sports held there. i wish skate/inline blading/bicycle was held there but too bad it was at ECP instead. lucky for me i got the tix for free from some mettle crews during my flea market last month. looking at the riders and their bikes, gave me major heartache. especially the ktms. oh God please let me escape this 2 pending case and let me enrol for a 2A license. motard pon motard la, eventhough offroad still owns! (cause my dad wont let me ride with offroad tyres anymore due to 2 recent accidents. sadded much. i hope he changes mind by early next year though.)

anw, head to cineleisure after that to watch abject poetry perform. but sadly for them, the show was cancelled due to the rain. fortunately, the good thing is that it was like an old time reunion. catch up with alot of NSS friends, old friends, friends (ha ha -.-) and more. it just feels great.

on a side note, it really got me panic for awhile seeing the 2 people i miss most more than anyone in the world. and then i was caught staring and stood rooted to the gound but guess what? they waved and smiled at me and for a second, i wanted to cry due to missed plus happiness. but on another second, i knew it was the past and i can never get what we used to had. i miss them so much but it was good to see them ytd. yes, they were Kamal adnd Hafiz :(

alright im suppose to go mettle games again today but im too lazy my goodness. meeting das for lunch cum dinner and heading to the jamming studio to meet the rest. leprak sunday! and finally back to school on monday after a long holiday for me. SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS I SWEARRR I WANNA EXTEND MC!!! shall be thanking Haikal Halim for sendind me to school lol i hope he wakes up on time :/

Nothing #2.

2010-11-05T15:24:00.005+08:00

After so long, im back to public, top up my student pass for bus concession. ive always been complaining about public transport cause its just me. i go to school taking 3 buses and go home with another 3 buses. a total of 6 buses and just one day, i waste 3hours or more on just travelling and waiting. not inclusive of going to work and back home. it just tires me out.

but the worst thing i hate about taking public is cause im paranoid. im paranoid of people staring and looking at me. i have a phobia of strangers staring at me in buses or when i alight. my mind goes haywire. i dont mind going home late with my bike at 3am or 4am with no single souls wondering under my quite haunted void deck. but not some pyschopath staring at me at bustops or in buses and walking behind me on on pathment after i alight at my quiet neighbourhood. yesterday, i got scary faces staring at me and guess what? its just 1130pm and it scares the shit out of me. with no bike, i think im going home earlier than usual.

so anyways, yesterday Asy and Maii accompanied me to the police station to make my accident report. and then we met Apen and had dinner at Subway and lan gaming at Khatib even though im a tempang girl. after lan gaming, we went to Chong pang nasi lemak and i had this guy with broken arms and abrasions on his arms staring at me. (firstly i though it was due to my swallon eye and dressing wounds on my face and my tempang leg) and then he said this to me....

Guy: you fall down?
Me: nops, accident.
Guy: oh you ride KTM ride?
Me: yes, how you know?
Guy: oh i saw u at Eddy's before.
Me: huh? what Eddy? holeshot/dirtwheel?
Guy: uh yes dirtwheel.

and then we had a short conversations about our accidents and dirtwheels and racing. but too bad for the both of us, we arent allow to ride for now. my dream of going dirt at mlysia with dirtwheel was never tercapai :( it hurts me knowing that some people knows me for ketam and when im not riding anymore and that they still thought im riding, it hurts me to tell them what happened all over again. reminiscing sucks.

okay Nad's here. we're going to watch Paranomal Activity 2 with Maii, Asy and Apen. hope it's worth it. happy deepavali!

Feel it in my bones.

2010-11-04T12:54:00.005+08:00

If a guy were to ask me for a first date and what would i like to do,
it'll be playing Lan laughing at the stupidest mistakes, talking craps but please have their limits, being adventurous and explore like the time will never stop and finding nice food to eat and doesnt care about what's happening around us.

other than other cliche things to do,
then its a boring date for me.

but please, takmo step gerek and kecoh. sheesh.

Facing the new life.

2010-11-04T12:39:00.005+08:00

"oh well, let's try to adapt and survive the last bit of November and December and then it will be a new year and a new life for me. though October had been a bitch, this was all a test and i know i can get through this 2 more months."

.....when i wokeup today, that was what struck in my mind.

i hope God will guide me through this though periods.
and i hope i wont get revoke for my pending case.
i wanna enrol for my 2A and Class 3 license this December.

just a lil be of angsty, i hate when people dont know anything about my accident and the first thing they assumed is that i self-skided. i wouldnt be so dumb to self-skid twice in a month and injured myself so badly till i got admitted in the hospital. sorry but i just dont like strangers to make me look stupid for some stupid reasons. i rather look stupid wearing some stupid costume during halloween.